The other day I was out to dinner with some students and I had brought along a deck of cards. These cards each have a question on them that can open doors to interesting memories, stores and insights that might not otherwise make it into dinner conversation. One card held the question “Tell me about a time when a stranger came to your aid”. As we each took it in turn to share stories I was reminded of one time (though not the only one) during my travels in south East Asia years ago when a stranger came to my aid. Come to think of it, you have actually already heard the first part of this particular day of travel in a previous newsletter…
I was travelling from Vietnam back into Laos on my way to the 4000 Islands and having already feared that the bus had left without me, leaving me behind on the Vietnam side of the border, now safely fed and back on the bus, I was coming to the realization that it bus was going to arrive about 5 hours later than I had been told. This meant that I would arrive in Pakse, Southern Laos, in the dark of night at 10pm instead during the light of day at 5pm. Walking into town and wandering around till I found a guesthouse I liked the look of us was not going to be possible in the dark. I opened my guide book, looked for a guest house and called to book a room.*
Phew! What a relief, crisis averted!
….Till I found myself, in the dark, on the side of a road, in the middle of no-where and no sense of where I was relative to the guest house I had booked.
The bus had literally opened it’s doors and dumped me on a road somewhere on the outskirts of Pakse. There was no bus station, no taxi, I did not speak the language, and I had absolutely NO idea where I was and no idea what direction my guest house was.
Travel, in my experience, makes you brave to do things that in our own cities we might not. In the dark of night, I flagged down someone driving past me on a moped. She was not alone, as many in South East Asia she was with her family. On the seat with her was her mother carrying a baby and her daughter. I tried to show her my guide book, point to the location of the guest house to ask for directions. She was not able to make heads or tails of the map in the guide book. She however understood that I was lost and trying to get to a particular place, so she took out her phone and called the number for the guest house. Using her phone, I might add. This on it’s own would justify the story being one that fit the bill for a time a stranger came to my aid. And, I was still stranded- her English was on par with my Laos, i.e. pretty non-existent. There was no way for her to give me directions.
She, however, made hand gestures that made me understand that I should wait and she drove off. I was once again alone on the side of a road none the wiser. I waited not quite sure what I was waiting for and what was probably just a few minutes felt like a very, very long time. At some point I spotted the woman and her moped but this time she was alone and she signaled that I should hop on. Hopping after about 14 hours of travel was not in my repertoire especially with my, my huge pack-back, but somehow I got on. With a mixture of relief and trepidation she started the moped and we weaved our way through various streets, traffic lights and after more turns than I ever would have been able to remember had I been given directions, and for way more blocks than I ever would have managed on foot.
Finally, she stopped and signaled a door across the street. It had the name of the guest house I had booked written across it. This incredibly long journey with its many twists and turns had come to an end. I believe my legs felt weak at the relief as I got off the back of this lady’s moped. I offered to pay her and she flat out refused. There was no way my “kop jai, la lai lai lai lai lai” (thank you SO SO SO SO So much) was sufficient to thank this woman who had gone so far out of her way to bring me, a complete stranger, to a guest house. It was a huge gesture in and of itself, and on the back drop of the day I had had, it felt even more so. She turned around a drove off as if it there was nothing to what she had done. For me her gesture had meant the world!
Particularly these days when we are bombarded with negative news it is so important to reflect on the extent to which our lives are made better by the gestures of others. Take the time to remind ourselves the extent to which, amidst all the madness, the world is truly full of wonderful people who step in and help out when you most need it and least expect it.
The way I look out at the world around me is shifted positively by this memory and the retelling of it.
Life is a wonderful sand box in which we continue to learn and create the world we inhabit. Our brain does a wonderful job of point out everything that is not working, and by actively noticing, engaging with and remembering what is good around me I am more empowered and paints the way I look at the world and myself in it in a positive light.
You can do the same for yourself in two ways:
- “Tell me (or another friend) about a time when a stranger came to your aid”.
- Be that “stranger” for someone else. p.s. there is ample research that show how we individually benefit physiologically from being compassionate and helping others.
*This is the one time I used my cell phone (mind you it was an old brick, not the smart phones we are all used to now).
